Trying

I am trying hard to succeed
I want the praise and attention
For my hard work and dedication

I am trying hard to win
I should be there by now
Why can’t I do it?

I am trying hard to stay positive
But I’m just so angry
At the game, at my opponent

At myself

I am trying hard to smile
To be proud
To be okay

I am trying hard to breathe deeply
The panic is climbing
My crying is deafening

I am trying hard to look at myself
In a positive light
With love and affection

I am trying hard to take away the pain
And make myself heal
And make myself comfortable

No more threats
No more pain

But no more achievement

I am trying hard to fall in love
With the sport I once loved
With the person I have become

I am trying hard to branch out
To break free
To be okay

I really want to be okay

I am trying but I am failing
I need help
I don’t know what I want

I am trying hard to make up my mind
I am trying hard to change my life
I am trying…

Am I trying too hard?