Buzz, buzz. My head turns. I think, Wow I’m popular. Someone wants to talk to me. This kind of thinking is just setting me up for failure, but that’s where my mind goes first. I reach for my phone, the tension building. Who will it be? I look at the screen. At this point, I see one of three things. Either someone sent me their snapchat streak for the day (pretty likely), my mom texted me (very likely), or I received a news article update (extremely likely). Okay so I am not a huge texter, and I don’t really start conversations. That doesn’t really give me the right to feel even the slightest bit upset that no one texts me, but still my brain goes there first. I get excited and let down all in the span of a minute.
When I get a snapchat message, I get happy. I get to communicate with my friends solely through pictures of our faces or of our immediate surroundings. It’s fun to see their faces every day, especially when I don’t really get to see them in person. Sometimes, though, I’m just not feeling the whole send a quick picture just to keep the streak going. Pretty much every “conversation” on there is surface-level. Very rarely do we actually send messages. Sometimes I just want to delete the app because I don’t want to deal with it and I don’t want the distraction. On the other hand, I don’t want to miss out. I don’t want to lose contact with my friends. It is a slippery slope.
When my mom texts me, I am happy to talk to her. She is so encouraging and lovely. She is my best friend, and I love her very much. The common teenager does not usually only receive texts from their mom. Or they would not admit that. Well, I am not the common teenager. I have never been one to hang out with my friends only to take pictures and stare at my phone screen. When I was in middle school and I was hanging out with my friend group, they would be texting a bunch of people and snapchatting and instagramming. I would just look at my phone and pretend to be doing something because that is less awkward than sitting there quietly not staring at a phone screen. I would have looked like a total outcast. Needless to say, my friendships with those people dwindled.
I have never really felt like I fit in with people my age. I don’t want to go hang out only to be on my phone or take 20 million pictures or talk about what’s on my phone or the 20 million pictures I just took and which one I should post. Being a teenager means that yes, I have thought about those things and I do work hard to come up with great captions for my Instagram pictures. That is not all I do though. That is not all I want to do either. I want to build relationships and not worry about if my text has the right tone to it, or if I’m interpreting what someone else sent me in the correct way. That means that I do not utilize social media the same way as other kids my age or for the same reasons. When I post something, it is because I like it and I want to share it. It is not because I think it will get me a lot of likes. Again, I’m not saying I don’t think about the likes and stuff, but I don’t make them my sole purpose. I am not saying that all kids my age are only in it for the likes, but that is how it feels to me sometimes.
When my phone lights up with a news article update, I am downright disappointed. It’s not that I don’t care about what is going on around me. It is that I am usually not pleased with what I read. I would also much rather be getting a message from a friend of mine or my mom. I hate all of the political crap going on in the country. I am not going to get too political, but every time I get a message, I pray that it is not about something stupid that Trump has done that is going to get us all killed or restrict our liberties or make it easier for people to get guns and terrorize neighborhoods and schools everywhere. Okay, rant over. I am just frustrated with most of the news I receive and what makes the news nowadays. I love it when an article shows up on my phone from National Geographic or another outlet about something cool someone has done or discovered. I also love stories about animals, but I don’t like them if they’re sad.
I just want the world to be a better place. I want it to be a place where everyone is equal in everyone’s minds. I want it to be a place where animals aren’t dying because of crap humans are putting into the environment. I want it to be a place where people want to come together and talk: face-to-face. I want it to be a place where positivity lights up the news and everyone’s lives. I want it to be a place where people don’t feel the need to be on their phones all of the time.
That thinking may be unrealistic, but I don’t think it has to be. It can start with you and me. One thing I can do is not complain about things not happening for me that I don’t even want, like receiving text messages. I don’t text, so why do I want people to text me? Or maybe that’s just paradoxical thinking. Anyways, I can be confident in who I am and what I want and look on the bright side. I can also not compromise who I am to feel more comfortable around people. I can speak up and form relationships. I don’t have to be passive and wait for people to get off their phones to hang out with me. I can get involved in politics in my area. If I don’t like what is going on, I can use my voice in that way too. Lastly, I can try to change what makes something newsworthy. I want to be a journalist, and I do really enjoy writing the big stories concerning politics, scandals, and anything else that shows up on the local and national news. However, I want the challenge of finding a personal interest story. I want to write about something positive and potentially make a difference. I want to learn how helping others and journalism go together and make a career out of it. I will work on that. For now, I will try to be more positive and confident. Because I, like you, am awesome! I, like you, can do it!
Faking It Made 