Ever since I was a child, I was attractive. You may think that I am being cocky and rude by saying this, but it is true. Bugs have always been attracted to me. Yes, you read that correctly. Bugs drink my blood and bite me and harass me every time I go outside. It really is not easy being this irresistible. This may have taken a turn you weren’t expecting, but can we please take a moment to talk about bug bites? Anytime I go outside, I hear buzzing around my ears. I feel the brush of a mosquito’s wings touch my leg. I notice the red bumps starting to swell up on my legs and arms and face and body. I try to remain calm and not kick myself for forgetting to/ deciding I didn’t need to put on bug spray. I always regret it.
My family members and friends can be in the same exact area as me for the same exact amount of time, and I will come home with a dozen bug bites while their skin remains unbitten. It is quite unfair. I don’t know what it is that draws them to me. I never asked for this to happen. If I could escape the itchy red bumps and restless nights trying not to scratch the itchy red bumps, believe me, I would. I even got stung or bitten (I’m honestly not sure what happened) in a metro car in Washington D.C. I was literally underground and something stung my face. It swelled and turned red. It actually really hurt when it happened. Hopefully that gives you some insight into my relationship with bugs.
Bug spray cannot fully shield me from the wrath that bugs try to inflict on me. I spray it on, and I still come home covered. I have told people that go outdoors with me that they should get me one of those electric fly swatter racquet things that I can carry around (*hint hint *wink wink). That way I can get some exercise swinging it around and kill the very beings that tamper with my positive outlook on life. I am not usually a violent person. Even if I say that I want to do something violent, I am all talk and no show. This, however, is different. I want to kill all of those little bugs that come after me unprovoked. I did not do a single thing to them, and I will not stand for their harassment. I try to be a peaceful individual, even to the bugs sometimes, but I’ve just been burned too many times.
You might be wondering, “What prompted her to write this blog post all about bug bites?” Or maybe no one even got this far, but for the one person that is still reading, I will tell you. I am laying in my bed trying to resist the unrelenting urge to itch at least one of my 11 bug bites I have at the moment. The burning desire to give them a good itch can sometimes consume my thoughts and make me feel crazy. I literally couldn’t get the thought of my terrible bites out of my head long enough to think of another blog topic. That is how bad it is. You may be wondering how I got all of these bites. I probably was in a wooded forest knocking on a mosquito’s nest (do they have nests?) and calling them out to get a good meal. I probably stood there in the woods without bug spray for hours just waiting for them to take the bait. If you thought this, you would be wrong.
I got these bites from… babysitting. BABYSITTING. Can you believe it? I was outside for maybe an hour with these kids in a residential neighborhood. This was four days ago, might I add. I also spent most of the time on the driveway instead of the grass. What did I get from that caution? Eleven terrible bumps on my body that make me want to scratch until my skin is raw. I don’t do that, but that is the worst part. I don’t want to give in because I don’t want my skin to be raw. I don’t want to give myself scars that remind me of those fateful bites. The resisting is the torture.
After so many attacks that I have lost count, I have accumulated quite a haul of anti-itch creams and products. There are some that are literal lifesavers, so I figured I would share them today. Maybe there is someone else out there who feels like an outcast because they come home covered in bites while their brother, mother and father sit beside them, unscathed. They are a sacrifice to the flying creatures, and this job has no rewards. Well, they no longer have to endure the pain (please read this with an infomercial voice) (man, I am really using the parentheses today). First, the best antidote for a bad bite is Benadryl. If you are covered, you can take the pill and use the anti-itch cream on the bites. I swear by the cream. It could just be a placebo, but I do really think it works. Another great product for bug bites is lavender. It will help take away the inflammation. Lastly, try Benadryl itch cooling spray. It relieves inflammation, swelling and makes you feel like you can stand to live until morning (you read that like an infomercial, didn’t you?).
I wish I could tell you a great bug spray to use, but, like I said, I have not found a way to keep those little maniacs away from me. There is a bug bracelet that my dad gave me that I think is somewhat helpful. It is called Bug Band. I think it is worth a try. There is also a bug spray that is somewhat reliable, and it is called Skeeter Beater. Both of these products are deet free because deet is bad for you (don’t ask me any details or why because I just know what my mom told me). The band is quite potent, but if it protects you from bugs, I would say the smell is okay.
Sadly, I have no cure that will instantly remove the nasty, eye-catching growths, but I can tell you that you almost get used to it. I say almost because you can never get used to the powerful desire to rip your skin off, but you can get used to the cycle. You go outside. You get bitten. You return inside. You feel so itchy that you want to die. You resist the itch. You pile on the creams and hopeful antidotes. You gradually forget about the bites. You realize that they disappeared. You go back outside. The cycle continues. The saddest part about all of this is that I could go on forever talking about bug bites. Instead, I will leave you because I need to go reapply Benadryl cream to one of my bites. Let me know what your secret is to staying free of bites if none of this related to you. Also, I wasn’t kidding when I mentioned the electric fly swatter racquet thing (*hint hint *wink wink).
Faking It Made 