Chimes. Chimes. I hear chimes. They are coming from my phone. Why? Please just make them stop. Seriously, I don’t want to hear it. I just want to sleep. Please. I roll over and grab my phone. I look at the screen. It is 6:30 am. I haven’t had to wrestle with waking up this early in so long. I know that I need to wake up and get a move on. Today is an exciting day. It is my last first day of high school. I know; I can’t believe it either.
After getting woken up from my magical slumber, I start in on my morning routine. I start reading my chapter of a self-help book. I am now onto my third: How to Win Friends and Influence People. It is truly great so far, and today is only my second chapter. I kind of have to rush the rest of my morning. I read my affirmation. It is really my goal of where I want to be in life that I read every morning. I will share it with you some other time. I then do a quick Jesus Calling devotion and rush to get dressed and brush my teeth. I throw on some SPF face lotion and head to pack the lunch I made the night before.
Next comes the awkward first day pictures. I do the classic poses for my mom that have wowed her year after year. I even do the back-to-back pose with my invisible brother because he is gone at college. Then I leave my house with plenty of time to make it to school. On a good day it takes 15 minutes to get to school. On a not-so-great day, like today, it takes 25 minutes. I park right at 7:46 and start my hurried walk into school. I have to make it across the building to my first class by 7:50, all the while dodging the students heading to classes of their own. I speed walk like I really mean it and make it into the class shortly before the bell rings. I am pleased and victorious as I look for a familiar face. Sadly, there are only a couple and none of them close friends, so I take a seat by a girl who looks very friendly. I know that today will be the day that tests the confidence that has been growing all summer. Man am I pleased with the results.
Throughout the day, from class to class, I talk to people. I talk to those I know and those I don’t. My smile radiates to those around me, and I start new conversations. Even when I am asked to speak in front of the class, I do not shake and cower. That type of request would usually send me spiraling into a nervous frenzy, but not today. I speak loud and clear. My voice does not shake. I am overjoyed.
When all of my classes are done and I approach the doors that take me to my car, I feel happy and relieved. I am kind of sad that I don’t know a lot of kids in two of my classes, but I am happy that I was able to talk to new people. I made friends, which is hard to do if you know everybody in a class. My confidence building this summer did not let me down. Yes I was nervous, but it was in no way the nervousness I would have felt even a month ago. I feel comfortable in my own skin and my own abilities. I know that I am strong, confident, humble, happy, and kind. This is kind of a mantra I say to myself from time to time, and I am happy to say that I feel like I am all of those things.
Coming off of this last first day of school, I am proud of myself. I am proud that the work I did on myself this summer is paying off. I am proud that I feel comfortable and ready to meet new people. I am proud that my smile is genuine and my heart is open. I am excited with what I have accomplished. I am excited for the rest of the year. You may be reading this and thinking that I am bragging and being annoying. I am sorry if it comes across that way because I am genuinely just pleased with myself. I am amazed at how far I’ve come, and I am purely just expressing my gratitude and excitement. I am also sharing that it is possible to come out of your shell. It is possible to feel confident and changed. For just over a month, I have worked on myself and formed new habits. I cannot wait to keep reinforcing those good habits and keep forming into an incredible individual. Here is to another school year. Cheers!
Faking It Made 