A couple of summers ago, when I was on my self-help bender, I discovered The Four Agreements. Well, that is not exactly true. My mom discovered it, fell in love with it, and bought my brother and me a couple copies. Of course, I didn’t jump right in at that moment. I had to wait until I was ready. Or rather, I waited until I read in InStyle that Paris Jackson keeps a copy in her purse and reads it every few months. I thought, “If Paris Jackson reads it, it must be good.” That was what finally pushed me over the edge. I am forever grateful to both my mom and Paris Jackson for encouraging me to read this wonderful book.
The book, written by Don Miguel Ruiz, shares the ways of the ancient Toltecs, wise individuals from Mexico. Their beliefs about life center around changing the ways we have been “domesticated.” We are all living in a dream, and we can’t see the reality that we are all made up of light and love. Ruiz offers ways to combat this dream and allow us to live in heaven on earth.
The key is through making new agreements to override the ones we made growing up (through domestication). Spoiler alert! I am going to tell you the four agreements. The first one is to “be impeccable with your word.” This means not spreading hate and being truthful. The second agreement is “don’t take anything personally.” No matter what anyone tells you, positive or negative, it is not a reflection of you or your worth. They are giving you information about themselves and their experiences. Third, “don’t make assumptions.” This ties in perfectly with the second agreement. We often create scenarios in our minds after interacting with others. Then within those made-up scenarios, we take things personally. Do you see how this is unhealthy? Lastly, “always do your best.” This is the perfect conclusion. Within each of the agreements, do your best to reinforce them and grant yourself grace if you are unable to follow through. Because trust me, it is hard.
Why did I bring this up? Well, I have gone through a lot of changes recently. I know that no one asked, but I shall tell you anyway. I started college about a month ago. My life has been a rollercoaster of emotions. With this life change, I felt my confidence slipping. A lot. Because I felt like everyone was judging me. Some of that probably had to do with the fact that I was judging people through my lense in life. Another factor was that it was nothing like I expected. I expected to see someone on the playground, walk up to them, and we would skip away, holding hands, friends for life. Okay, that is an exaggeration, but I thought I would make so many friends in my classes, and my dorm floor would become like family. It is still early, but none of this happened.
With my confidence slipping, I found myself missing home more than I thought I could. I found myself not wanting to branch out on my own. I found myself judging the people around me, perpetuating the problem. Then I realized I had a resource that could help: The Four Agreements.
As soon as I dove into reading about Toltec culture, I felt love raining down on me. I believe in a God of love, and I felt the love through this book. With that message, I was able to love myself more in this crazy and stressful time. In turn, I was able to love the people around me. I write this like I have it all figured out. It is easier to write that way, a foreshadowing. In actuality, I am working on this and gaining confidence in who I am and how I interact with others.
Through each agreement, I found myself realizing that I am strong and capable. I realized that I don’t have to be caged into my own imagination or “dream” like Ruiz writes. I can live my life with respect for others and in turn respect for myself. When meeting new people, it can be easy to bond over the negatives in life or in judgments of others. This was part of what pushed me lower and lower in my confidence because talking about others makes it okay for them to talk about you. If you don’t agree with that statement, then why are you talking about them? This question is directed at myself as much as it is directed at you. With this shift in perspective and focus on the positives, my outlook shifted. I can feel much better about myself when I don’t have to succumb to negative gossiping and judgments to make friends.
I know I have been rambling about the magic of The Four Agreements, but that is the truth: it is magic. I know I have a ways to go (contrary to me writing like I found the key to life). I just know that this book will help me to continue to figure out who I am. I can be impeccable with my word, not take things personally, not make assumptions, and always do my best. If I slip up, at least I recognized the problem and can work harder to keep the agreements longer. Soon, I will not be living in a dream, but I will be living a life of love and light.
Spoiler alert! I highly recommend this book. It is a quick and easy read. Not to mention, it is transformative. If you get a copy, keep it close to bring out when you lose sight of the agreements and the power they possess. To learn more about the book and to access additional materials, visit https://www.miguelruiz.com/the-four-agreements. You can buy the book for only $6.48 on Amazon. That is a good deal: a changed life for less than $10! Should I become Ruiz’s spokesperson? I’m going to get on that.
Faking It Made 