Agree to New Agreements

A couple of summers ago, when I was on my self-help bender, I discovered The Four Agreements. Well, that is not exactly true. My mom discovered it, fell in love with it, and bought my brother and me a couple copies. Of course, I didn’t jump right in at that moment. I had to wait until I was ready. Or rather, I waited until I read in InStyle that Paris Jackson keeps a copy in her purse and reads it every few months. I thought, “If Paris Jackson reads it, it must be good.” That was what finally pushed me over the edge. I am forever grateful to both my mom and Paris Jackson for encouraging me to read this wonderful book. 

The book, written by Don Miguel Ruiz, shares the ways of the ancient Toltecs, wise individuals from Mexico. Their beliefs about life center around changing the ways we have been “domesticated.” We are all living in a dream, and we can’t see the reality that we are all made up of light and love. Ruiz offers ways to combat this dream and allow us to live in heaven on earth. 

The key is through making new agreements to override the ones we made growing up (through domestication). Spoiler alert! I am going to tell you the four agreements. The first one is to “be impeccable with your word.” This means not spreading hate and being truthful. The second agreement is “don’t take anything personally.” No matter what anyone tells you, positive or negative, it is not a reflection of you or your worth. They are giving you information about themselves and their experiences. Third, “don’t make assumptions.” This ties in perfectly with the second agreement. We often create scenarios in our minds after interacting with others. Then within those made-up scenarios, we take things personally. Do you see how this is unhealthy? Lastly, “always do your best.” This is the perfect conclusion. Within each of the agreements, do your best to reinforce them and grant yourself grace if you are unable to follow through. Because trust me, it is hard. 

Why did I bring this up? Well, I have gone through a lot of changes recently. I know that no one asked, but I shall tell you anyway. I started college about a month ago. My life has been a rollercoaster of emotions. With this life change, I felt my confidence slipping. A lot. Because I felt like everyone was judging me. Some of that probably had to do with the fact that I was judging people through my lense in life. Another factor was that it was nothing like I expected. I expected to see someone on the playground, walk up to them, and we would skip away, holding hands, friends for life. Okay, that is an exaggeration, but I thought I would make so many friends in my classes, and my dorm floor would become like family. It is still early, but none of this happened. 

With my confidence slipping, I found myself missing home more than I thought I could. I found myself not wanting to branch out on my own. I found myself judging the people around me, perpetuating the problem. Then I realized I had a resource that could help: The Four Agreements

As soon as I dove into reading about Toltec culture, I felt love raining down on me. I believe in a God of love, and I felt the love through this book. With that message, I was able to love myself more in this crazy and stressful time. In turn, I was able to love the people around me. I write this like I have it all figured out. It is easier to write that way, a foreshadowing. In actuality, I am working on this and gaining confidence in who I am and how I interact with others. 

Through each agreement, I found myself realizing that I am strong and capable. I realized that I don’t have to be caged into my own imagination or “dream” like Ruiz writes. I can live my life with respect for others and in turn respect for myself. When meeting new people, it can be easy to bond over the negatives in life or in judgments of others. This was part of what pushed me lower and lower in my confidence because talking about others makes it okay for them to talk about you. If you don’t agree with that statement, then why are you talking about them? This question is directed at myself as much as it is directed at you. With this shift in perspective and focus on the positives, my outlook shifted. I can feel much better about myself when I don’t have to succumb to negative gossiping and judgments to make friends.

I know I have been rambling about the magic of The Four Agreements, but that is the truth: it is magic. I know I have a ways to go (contrary to me writing like I found the key to life). I just know that this book will help me to continue to figure out who I am. I can be impeccable with my word, not take things personally, not make assumptions, and always do my best. If I slip up, at least I recognized the problem and can work harder to keep the agreements longer. Soon, I will not be living in a dream, but I will be living a life of love and light. 

Spoiler alert! I highly recommend this book. It is a quick and easy read. Not to mention, it is transformative. If you get a copy, keep it close to bring out when you lose sight of the agreements and the power they possess. To learn more about the book and to access additional materials, visit https://www.miguelruiz.com/the-four-agreements. You can buy the book for only $6.48 on Amazon. That is a good deal: a changed life for less than $10! Should I become Ruiz’s spokesperson? I’m going to get on that.

Fears and Wheels

My palms start to sweat. My heart begins to race. My body gets hot, and my breath quickens. I stand in front of the bike. Cars drive past without a care in the world that I can’t move. I want to jump on and ride away, but fear stops me.

It all started when I was younger. I was supposed to ride my bike without training wheels. But why? I was doing just fine with the two extra wheels, thank you very much. But apparently riding a bike with training wheels for the rest of your life is not socially acceptable. My mom tried everything to get me to ride. She promised to get me a new book I really wanted. She told me she would teach me and never let go of the back of the bike. Kids, when your parents tell you they won’t let go of the back of the bike, they are LYING. I get that it’s how I’m supposed to learn and yadda yadda, but it’s scary. Not to mention it takes a toll on family trust. 

Anyway, I went through years of being petrified and staying home from family bike rides. Then one day I got a bout of courage and ran with it. Let me just mention that the last time I had courage like that I jumped into a pool without floaties because I thought I had magically learned to swim (Update: my cousin saved me, and I have since learned to swim). I rode around the neighborhood, determined to surprise my mom with my awesome skills. I even decided that I could go down the big hill in the neighborhood. My skills had increased that much. I started down the hill. This isn’t so bad. I’m doing it. I’m actually doing it! Then, Woah this is fast. I didn’t think about the turn at the bottom of the hill. Crap! Then I forgot about my brakes and everything. I ran straight into a curb, flipped over my bike, and landed in a neighbor’s yard. 

My brother found me with a bloody nose, cradling my aching wrist. It ended up being broken, deepening my fear and hatred of bikes. You would think my family would understand that I didn’t want to ride a bike again, but no! They decided to do a bike ride tour of Dogwood Canyon. They paid for me to do it, and I couldn’t exactly walk alone without them. I hopped on the bike and even enjoyed it for a time. But then I had to ride over this little bridge that was steeper than it looked, if I might add. After the little bridge, the path went left towards a waterfall and right towards more trail. I, however, forgot about my brakes and turning and went straight for the water in front of me. Not wanting to go into the water, I jerked the bike and fell on my butt. A bruise started forming before we even left the waterfall, and I successfully walked my bike the rest of the way. 

You might be wondering why I even brought up my somewhat irrational fear of riding a bike. I am not really confronted by my bike riding fear anymore because my mom doesn’t ride very often and the “family” that always wanted to ride are no longer in my life. There are certain activities that remind me of my fear. I have discussed my cautious personality and my fear of doing things that could get me hurt. I thought that my trip to Costa Rica and the “pura vida” mindset had instantly transformed me into an adventurous person. A trip to the lake for the Fourth of July made me realize that is not accurate. 

At the lake, we had to get around using jet skis. I wanted to be able to conquer the jet ski like I conquered so many things in Costa Rica. I started driving it around, and any time I went fast, I freaked out and would pull my hand off of the gas. I realized I was afraid, and I hated the lack of control that made me feel. I realized jet skiing reminded me of riding a bike. And I realized I am still a scared and cautious person. 

With this realization came the same embarrassment that I have felt about not being able to ride a bike. I had a great time at the lake; my friend drove the jet ski. But underneath that fun time, I was upset with myself. I was upset that I wasn’t a whole new person just because I went to Costa Rica. I was upset that I was holding myself back from trying to drive the jet ski again. I was upset that I still have fears. I know my fears are kind of irrational, but I also know that the idea of never having fears is also irrational. Probably more so. 

From this embarrassment and shame, I discovered that I need to cut myself some slack. I also realized that I want to try to ride a jet ski again. I’m not quite ready for a bike, but baby steps. This is how I discovered a change in myself. I realized that I have a desire to push myself and not let fear control my life. That is a huge difference from the person I was not that long ago. I know I am strong and capable, and I know that I want to let myself have fun. 

This has been a slightly embarrassing confession, but I want to own it. Yes, I have a phobia of riding a bike, but I want to move on. I will start with a lake vehicle that is not really the same thing as a bike at all, but hey, it’s a start. That, to me, is courageous.

 

Pura Vida and Costa Rica

Since the last time I wrote a post, I graduated from high school, chose my future college, and traveled to Costa Rica. While all of those topics are compelling, I am going to discuss the most recent event: Costa Rica.

I embarked on a language immersion trip June 5th at 4:00 in the morning. I knew Costa Rica would be beautiful and exciting, but I didn’t quite know how much I would love it. The first region we visited was Guanacaste. Surrounded by beauty, we met our guide and Spanish teacher for the trip. We discussed our expectations and hopes. At the start, I was nervous to speak in Spanish, which is strange because that is the whole point of a language immersion trip.

We got acquainted with the group of students from Louisiana who would be joining us throughout the trip. We started to get to know our EF tour leaders. And we started to explore. We had language lessons and several tours. We visited farms and learned about sustainability. We drank the best coffee. I am not exaggerating. The coffee was so good. The nature was unbelievable. Moving from the midwest of the United States to the jungle of Costa Rica was insane. The root of every place we visited was nature. We swam in hot springs, kayaked lake Arenal, ziplined on a canopy tour, went white water rafting, and went on a boat tour of Tortuguero National Park in the pouring rain.

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Tortuguero National Park

As with anything, I celebrated all of the little victories throughout the trip. I survived five minutes in a super hot sauna at the hot springs. Afterwards, I rubbed volcanic mud on myself, an experience that is supposed to be detoxifying. I don’t know if it worked, but I had a blast. It was something I had never done before. Each conversation I had in Spanish expanded my confidence and had me smiling, another small victory. I conquered ziplining and met some hilarious guides. I was in the front of the raft for white water rafting and didn’t fall in. I call that a success. I found perfect souvenirs. I tried amazing food. I met amazing people. I learned to dance.

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My group “high-fiving” after surviving some rapids.

I will expand on that last one. Dancing was a blast. I have always felt incompetent at dancing. In Sarapiquí, we took a dance class. I learned Merengue, Salsa, and Bachata. While I was learning, I never felt judged. I was dripping sweat in the Costa Rican humidity with no idea what I was doing, but I didn’t care. I was smiling and feeling like a complete dance pro. I probably did not look like a pro, but all that mattered was that I felt like one. Earlier that day, the locals in that area showed us traditional dances and taught us how to dance with them. These young girls were generous to teach me, and they even let me wear one of their skirts. I was smiling, laughing, and dripping sweat without a care in the world.

Later on in the trip, in Tortuguero, the hotel we stayed at arranged for some people to come and teach us to dance. I learned Soca, more steps of Merengue, and more steps of Bachata. I felt lucky to have these unique experiences. I found out I really love dancing.

Costa Rica gave me cultural experiences that I will never forget as well as a better understanding of the environment and sustainability. Every person I met was kind and helpful. Deeper than the experiences were the feelings I felt when I was there. I was always happy to be in the country and learning about the people’s way of life. It struck me how easy it can be to be ungrateful. Of course I am not immune to this practice, but I was conscious of my thoughts and always trying to focus on the positive. I heard complaints the whole time I was there. We often did not have air conditioning or warm water. Again, I am not holier than thou and able to never complain, but each time I heard these things, I thought, “We are in Costa Rica. It is beautiful, and we should be grateful just to be here.” The song “Ungrateful Eyes” by Jon Bellion came to my mind. I highly recommend a listen. Any time negative thoughts creep in, think about the positives. Find a new perspective. Be grateful. 

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The view from a trail at Rancho Margot near La Fortuna and the Arenal volcano. 

The United States is a great place to live, but there is so much we can learn from Costa Rica. I was amazed by Costa Rica’s concern for the environment. The country is taking a stance against global warming. Costa Rica survives on tourism, but it hasn’t compromised its beliefs on the environment. There are self-sustainable farms all over the place. Many hotels have solar-powered energy. The country recycles everything, even making bricks out of trash. I loved the attention to the environment and the drive of the people to make a positive impact on the earth. Not to mention, the water is completely safe to drink, without all of the chemicals.

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A garden (el huerto) at one of our hotels utilized old bottles. 

As you can tell, my trip was an amazing experience. As a part of the learning, we discussed Costa Rica’s catch phrase–Pura Vida. We said it numerous times throughout the trip. After some great rapids in the raft: pura vida! Meeting a tico (a Costa Rican person) at a market: pura vida! Surviving the ziplining: pura vida! You get the gist. Pura vida was the answer to everything. The last night, we discussed what pura vida meant to us. For me, pura vida transformed my life and how I view the world. I am a nervous and cautious person. I never want to do anything that could get me hurt. With this mentality, I rarely take risks. You could even say I have less fun (which I know is true). This trip showed me that it is okay to take risks and be adventurous. Not being afraid to be yourself, step out of your comfort zone, and meet new people is so rewarding. I found out that I am the type of person who can do those things, and I don’t have to be scared. Pura vida honestly changed my life.

Other themes of pura vida include positivity, kindness, and friendship. It can be whatever you need. I hope pura vida can become a big part of your life. I hope I never lose sight of what pura vida means to me. I know I want to return to Costa Rica. When I do, I will already be living pura vida instead of discovering it. So hakuna matata, don’t worry, be happy, and pura vida. Pick your anthem, and conquer the day!

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More Time

The sun shines down on my face, giving the illusion of a perfect day. Rays of light try to disguise the overall pain I feel. I walk along the path, on a mission. I want to see someone I haven’t seen in a while. I want to talk to him and tell him that I have time for him. I want to reminisce about the snow days where he attached my sled to his four-wheeler and drove me around. I hear only my breathing and the chirping of the birds. Oh what a happy day, I say to myself, my sarcasm doing nothing to deter the birds. My footsteps echo on the beaten path in between the perfectly groomed grounds.

This time when I look up from staring at my feet, I see flowers. Every shade, every breed, every size gazing up at me from their spots tucked into the ground. It is apparent that someone recently placed them here. Maybe they were put here for me. What a selfish thought. I scold myself and continue on, unwilling to enjoy this bright day. How could I?

I decided to park far away to give myself time to think. I run over my talking points in my head. I want to tell him that I love him. That is first and foremost. Next, I want to tell him that I’m sorry. I am sorry for avoiding him in the mornings when I just wasn’t feeling a conversation. I am sorry for not telling him how much I appreciate him. Regrets are easy to get stuck on, but I will try to change up the conversation and tell him how grateful I am that I was able to meet him, that he was able to be a part of my life.

With every step, I get closer to him, closer to the pain and excitement I am feeling. My breath catches in my throat, and I have to take a pause. I don’t know if I am ready. I realize that I spent so much time observing the day and not enough time mentally preparing for this moment. The wounds are still fresh and throbbing. My chest tightens while my stomach turns. I know that he thinks that I am strong. I know I am strong. I can do this.

Nearing the turnoff for his plot, I pray a silent prayer, Please help me. I don’t know if I can do this. Past memories start to cloud my brain, and I wish them away. I can’t let them ruin this moment. I need to be strong, just like he was. My footsteps quicken as I see his spot, my excitement building. I am so ready to see him again, to talk to him again. Now only a few steps away, I think, This is right. This is what this day was preparing me for.

I step up to him. The sun is staring at me from the sky, seemingly cheering me on. The birds keep chirping encouragement and advice. The flowers sparkle and meet my eye. They say that I am ready. I set down the Shohin tree that I brought for him. I close my eyes. I picture him in front of me, standing with open arms. In my mind, I give him a hug and a kiss on the cheek. I see his smile, see the tears in his eyes. I know he is as happy to see me as I am to see him.

I smell his cologne mixed with his sweat after planting trees all through the neighborhood. I see his skin, slightly damaged from years in the sun and a shade of reddish tan. I feel his strong grip as he hugs me again. I hear his husky voice, I am happy to see you.

You have no idea, I think back. I feel a tear fall from beneath my closed eyelid onto my cheek, warm from the sun. I dive right in. I tell him a mix of I miss you, I’m sorry, and how are you, my rehearsed points gone with the wind. I also update him on what life is like here now, without him. I tell him it is lonely and sad. I tell him, Abuelo, why now? Maybe I need to ask God, but I want to know the reason.

He smiles back at me, I have no answers for you mija. I can only tell you that I am okay, and that you are okay. We will be reunited. Until then, live your life with the sun on your face and no apologies on your lips. The tears flow freely now. I squeeze my eyes shut, not willing to open them and see my abuelo disappear again from my life. Just when I think the tears will subside, a sob racks my body. My stomach flips and my cheeks are coated with a brand new collection of tears. Abuelo looks at me and tells me, Mija, you are okay. I am not gone. I will always be with you. Te extraño y te quiero.

Then my imagination betrays me, and he is gone. A new wave of pain hits, debilitating and fierce. I take a moment to compose myself and feel the warmth in the air start to dry my tears. I breathe deeply in tune with the singsong of the birds. I turn to the tree I brought for abuelo. I show it to his headstone and look for the perfect place to plant it. Careful not to step on him, I find the perfect place. Someone planted vivid flowers around the edges of his headstone, leaving a single space big enough for the tree. When I begin digging a whole, the birds chirp as if to say, You have found the spot. He will love it.

I feel the dirt in my hands. I hold it there to tell myself that this is reality. That I am as real as the dirt. The soil cakes in my fingernails. I keep removing dirt until I am left with a hole big enough for the Shohin. I remove the tree from its temporary home and place it in its forever home. My tears christen the soil. As I push the dirt up around the trunk of the miniscule tree, my body is warmed by the sun. The birds tell me that I am okay. The flowers show me that I am at peace in this moment. Now my tears flow in reverie at this beautiful experience. I know that abuelo is here with me. I know that he is enjoying this day too and all of the guilt fades away.

We sit, together, admiring the Shohin and the sun and the birds and the flowers. We don’t have to say anything; we both are perfectly happy at this time. The sun starts to fall in the sky, letting me know that it is time to go. I am so filled with joy that I can’t be sad that I have to leave him again. We had a wonderful afternoon together, and he knows that I will be back. And I know that he will never leave me. He is smiling down at me from the sky, speaking to me through the winged creatures, and showing me his love through the plants.  

I kiss him goodbye and tell him that I will be back again tomorrow. I begin the trek back to my car. My footsteps echo on the beaten path as the light fades into darkness.

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Volunteering: A Form of Torture

I wrote this narrative for a class at school. I really wish I could put it in the fiction section. Enjoy my pain.

 

I pulled up to the compound. With a text to my mom that I made it, I was out of the car, keys in hand, walking to the entrance. The long front windows of the building allowed me to see rows and rows of people seated and facing the entrance. I tried to ignore the fact that if I could see them so clearly, they could see me too. I awkwardly opened the door, and the leader of this group told me I was fine to go straight to the back. I had walked right into a training session. This should have been my first clue that the day was not going to go as planned.

A few weeks prior, I received an email from the Humane Society of Southwest Missouri asking for volunteers to transport dogs and cats to an adoption event at Petsway. My fingers raced along the keys to secure my position as a dog transporter. The time had come for me to fulfill my duty. I was slightly nervous; will the dog like me?

I waltzed straight up to the front desk and stated my business. The girl working asked me what size of dog I would be most comfortable transporting. I told her that I would only be comfortable with a small dog. She assured me that Nakaya was a well-mannered canine and the smallest one they could offer me.

When we arrived at Nakaya’s cage, I saw an adorable, light brown, mixed-breed dog. I also noticed that she was definitely not small. I can still do this. They said she’s sweet, I thought to myself. Nakaya had to be forced out of her cage, and she would not willingly come with me. The lady had lied to me; Nakaya was not a calm, fun-loving dog. When she was finally convinced to follow us to my car, she left behind a puddle.

We finally made it outside to the parking lot, and it was like deja vu; Nakaya wouldn’t get in my car. She had to be lifted onto the seat. I asked the worker, “She will stay where she is, right?”

“Yes she will. She doesn’t move around. She is a really calm dog,” she said. Judging by her history of lying to me, my trust was very thin, and I prayed that she was telling me the truth.

I plugged in Petsway to my GPS. It would only take me about five minutes to get there. Okay I can do this for five minutes. I took a deep breath and put the key in the ignition. I had barely left the parking lot before Nakaya had jumped up to the front seat to sit next to me. I yelled and told her no. She jumped back to the back. Then she decided she wanted to come see me again.

When I pulled up to the Petsway, my fears were not alleviated at all. The parking lot was dead. It must just be early, I thought, trying to convince myself. Next came the hard part of getting the dog out of the car. I walked around to the front passenger’s side door, where Nakaya finally ended up, and pulled on the handle. She jumped right out. Maybe she will start cooperating with me. This was an incorrect assumption.

I started toward the door into the Petsway and Nakaya wouldn’t budge. She was not small, so it took some effort for me to pull her through the door. Safely inside, I noticed it was even deader in the store than the parking lot. When I finally saw people with the bright green Humane Society shirts, they were carting around cages of cats.

“Hi, I’m here for the adoption event,” I said to the woman who seemed to be in charge. I gestured to the leash I held, as if she didn’t know I brought the dog for the event.

A puzzled look took over her face. “This is a cats-only event,” she responded.

My face fell as I realized that all of the stress I had already been through was for nothing. “Well, what am I supposed to do?” I said.

The woman proceeded to tell me that there was a dog adoption event across town and that I was welcome to take Nakaya there. I slightly unloaded on this stranger, telling her of my stressful morning. She agreed that it might be best for me to just take Nakaya back to the shelter.

Defeated but determined, I walked out of the Petsway and to my car. I was going to make it back to the Humane Society without any hiccups. This idea was quickly demolished when Nakaya started to squat in the middle of the parking lot. This cannot be happening. Instead of regular disgusting dog poop, the foul brown substance that came out of this dog was liquid and chunky, and it reeked. When she stood up, signaling the end of her horrific business, I tried to walk quickly to my car. I really didn’t want to have to pick it up. I thought I could live with the guilt. Of course Nakaya’s fear of doors struck down my hopes of leaving once again.

The guilt slowing creeping up on me like the poop now inching down the asphalt, I decided I needed to clean it up. Returning into the building proved to be difficult yet again as I had to pull the larger-than-small dog through the door. The only clerk working was handling a customer, so I stood and waited. When the customer finally made a move for the door, I said, “This dog just pooped in the parking lot. Do you have something I could use to clean it up?”

In reply, she pointed to a few measly paper towels hanging from a dispenser right in front of my face. I knew they would not do the job, but I didn’t see any other options.

When I came back to the door, I held poopy and dripping paper towels in my left hand, and I tried to herd Nakaya through the door with my right. Some diarrhea dripped out of the paper towels and onto the ground right outside the store. I prayed that no one would step in it. A man who saw my struggle opened the door for me, and I pulled Nakaya until she followed. I threw the paper towels in the small trash can near the register. Then I realized I had brown liquid trickling down my hand. I turned around to see if I needed to clean up the drippage outside, and I saw a woman lifting her flip-flopped foot in disgust. She had just stepped in it. This cannot be happening.

I turned quickly to find the bathroom, dodging other dogs and trying desperately not to make eye contact with the Humane Society volunteers who thought I had left 20 minutes ago. After I had successfully cleaned my hands and taken some deep breaths in the bathroom, I made my way to the car. I had to lift Nakaya into the backseat. When I was safely inside, I called the Humane Society to give them a heads up. The lady on the phone seemed surprised and told me about the other adoption event. I made it clear that I was not in sound-enough mind to drive across town with this medium-but-definitely-not-small-sized dog.

With the keys in the ignition, I started the journey back to the shelter. Nakaya was just as indecisive as she was on the way to the event. When the five minutes were up and I was back at the compound, I took a few deep breaths. I pulled Nakaya along through the front doors and up to the desk. I told the woman who helped me get Nakaya out to my car about the misfortunes of the morning and gave her Nakaya’s leash.

With nothing else to say, I made my way back to my car, not allowing the tears to fall until I was alone. I sat in the front seat and looked at the damage. The floor of my back seat was wet. Dirty paw prints covered the tan leather of both the front and back seats of my car. My vision grew blurry as I realized the urine smell would make it extremely difficult to forget this day.

 

Recovering from Laziness

I am now about a week sober. I fell off the self-improvement wagon about a month ago. I stopped reading my affirmations on the daily. I read no devotions. I did no daily planks. I stopped planning out my daily agendas the night before. I was lazy. I was upset with myself and feeling bad about myself. I turned to Netflix for comfort and that only made me feel worse. I was stressed and felt like I couldn’t be motivated to do what I needed to do.

The start of my journey back on the strait and narrow was a podcast. Not just any podcast, but Armchair Expert with Dax Shepard. And not just any episode, but the first one ever and with Kristen Bell, his lovely wife. I had heard it before, but I wanted to listen again. Man am I glad I did. They talk about many wonderful things and the beauty of their relationship shines through in the podcast, but what I really enjoyed was when they talked about happiness versus suffering. Kristen said this principle is what helps her make her decisions in life. She doesn’t get hung up on her losses because that would make her suffer. When she or Dax start the day on the wrong foot, they refer to their lists of what lifts their spirits. They choose to do this because they would rather be happy than suffer.

After their wisdom shown upon me (I really felt like it was directed at me), I thought about my unmotivated life at the present moment. I was being led by Netflix and food, which doesn’t sound so bad until you are shirking your responsibilities to partake in these two activities. I needed to change something or I wasn’t going to finish my last college application (update: I got it in!). I wasn’t going to read the book for my upcoming Grammar and Comp class (update: I read most of it!). I wasn’t going to clean my clothes-littered room. It was a mess. Correction, I was a mess.

Okay, I am probably exaggerating a bit, but honestly not too much. I was in a cycle of feeling bad about myself for watching Netflix all the time, but making no moves to do anything better. I also wasn’t working out at all. I have a newfound love for Tae Bo with Billy Blanks. I won’t get into it now, but I will share my obsession soon. Anyway, that podcast gave me some of the motivation I needed. I thought about my own happiness list. What could I be doing to feel happy and get out of this less-than-stellar cycle? I needed to start up my daily ritual again. I wrote out what I wanted to complete that day. I finally finished The Four Agreements, a fabulously wonderful book. I will tell you about that soon too. Guess what affirmation I found in those final pages of the book? The author wrote about happiness versus suffering. This is relevant when interacting with others and yourself. Wow. Talk about just what I needed to read. That gave me more motivation to continue on with my list.

I read my daily affirmations. Check. I read my Jesus Calling devotional for the day, and I even looked up the scriptures that it gives instead of my past behavior of being too lazy to do that part (be extra proud of me for that one). Check. I cleaned up my clothes and separated out my laundry. Check. I did my Tae Bo workout with Billy Blanks. Check. I showered. Check. I worked on my college application. Check, check, check. I am not sharing all of this to show off. Although, I am pretty proud of myself, so I do want some validation. I am sharing this because I did it (again, I’m only slightly searching for validation). I am mostly saying that if I can do it, you can do it too. Get out your list of things to do that spark a fire in yourself to get crap done and be happy. If you don’t already have one, make one. Start today by choosing happiness over suffering in your own life. Once you give yourself that luxury, I can almost completely guarantee (you have to leave room for some error) that you will choose happiness over suffering when you interact with others.

Life is a choice. You can waste away the day and feel sorry for yourself or you can actively choose to correct your own less-than-stellar behavior. You can choose to do the things that make you feel happy and accomplished. I can positively say that I am more than a few days sober from being lazy and doing nothing but procrastinating accomplishments. Things are looking up. This does not mean that I cut out Netflix from my diet for good, but I am actually following my rules of only a couple episodes per day. Don’t read this and think, There is no way that I can have my act together as much as this wonderfully talented and beautiful Hannah. Believe me, it’s not hard to surpass my low level of having myself together. If I can make myself proud, surely you can too.

 

A Mysterious Miracle

This year my household was blessed with a Christmas miracle. Okay, so it may not have entirely been intentional, but it was fabulous nonetheless. Let me explain.

A few nights ago, my mom and I were in the car exiting the garage to go to Walmart for some Christmas shopping. As we pulled out, we noticed some bright red lights on our house that we had not seen before. We were amazed. Someone had gifted us Christmas lights. We were confused. Someone had gifted us Christmas lights? Who had done this? Who knew that we had talked about wanting them, but we didn’t want to pay for them? Who knew our address?

We looked around for the hidden cameras, but there weren’t any. We waited for a text telling us who had given us this wonderful present. That text never came. We chalked it up to a Christmas miracle given to us by a Christmas angel and went about our business.

Eager to know who this mysterious, generous being was, my mom posted on Facebook about our little surprise and thanked whoever thought to give us the lights. We ignored the fact that it could have been a mistake. Of course someone had been kind to us. It was definitely not a mistake, right? We didn’t want them to take our lights away if it was a mistake.

Sure enough, the next day my mom got a call. Let me give you a quick backstory. We moved in August, so this is our first Christmas at our new house. On the other end of that phone call was our realtor. He mentioned that we might have some new, bright red additions to our house that we did not ask for. He said that the previous owners of our house ordered the lights, and the company put them up at the wrong address. Okay, maybe nobody purposefully gave us the lights, but we had become attached. Please don’t let them take the lights away. Then the realtor gave us some great news: the company would leave up the lights if we liked them because it was their mistake. That wasn’t even the best part.

The next day, bright and early in the morning, there was a knock at our door. My mom opened it to find two men who were from the Christmas lights company. They came to apologize for the mix-up. My mom assured them that it was no trouble and actually a blessing in disguise. Then you will never guess what they told her. They said that they wouldn’t just want red lights (that was the only color used on our house). Then they offered to change the colors for us. My mom said she didn’t necessarily just want red, but she didn’t want to pay for it. The Christmas lights people said we wouldn’t have to pay; they would do it for free.

Let’s take a moment to summarize. We were given Christmas lights. It turned out to be a mistake. The Christmas lights people let us keep them. They are going to change the colors for us, and we didn’t have to pay for any of it. Like, it was all free. If that is not a Christmas miracle, I don’t know what is.

No matter what is happening in life, there are always positive moments. There are always secret gifts that may turn out to be mistakes but still succeed in putting a smile on your face. You may be the one to make a mistake, but that mistake may touch someone’s life instead. Joy can come from anything. I cannot tell you how grateful I am that those guys from the lights company accidentally came to the wrong house. Now we have a brighter house and fuller hearts. Okay, that was cheesy, but it’s true. Merry Christmas and happy holidays!!

Repeating History

Hate

Bigotry

Pain

War

Ignorance

 

Repeat

 

Repeat

 

No listening

No learning

No communicating effectively

 

We bicker

We raise our voices

To reiterate the fact that we are right

And you are wrong

 

There is no gray area

I hate you because you don’t believe what I believe

I will not listen to your experience

I will not try to understand why you believe what you do

 

Instead

 

I will complain

I will yell

I will cry

I will scream

That it’s not fair

That people are crazy

That our country is doomed

 

I will feel helpless

Hopeless

All fight gone

All drive gone

Limp

And lifeless

 

I will continue the cycle

 

Hate

Bigotry

Pain

War

Ignorance

 

I will live in my bubble

I will not listen to you

I will not love you

I will not do anything

But wait

 

Wait for the time when I do not have to feel angry

For a time when all of those around me believe like me

For a time when we can all agree

For a time when I do not have to raise my voice just to try to be heard

 

I will wait

 

And nothing will get done

 

B-E-A-Utiful Movies

With the cold weather starting, it feels so good to curl up on the couch and watch a good movie. Let me tell you something; I’m in love! I’m in love! And I don’t care who knows it! If you don’t know where that is from, I’m not mad, just disappointed. If that didn’t tell you, I seriously love movies. I will share a few of my favorites with you now. I have seen each one of these movies at least three times, but many of them I have seen many more times than that. Yes some of these are chick flicks, so if you have an aversion to chick flicks, still watch them anyways and tell me how they changed your mind about chick flicks. Also, I am going to put my favorite quotes from the movies before I tell you about them.

1. The Proposal

“Marry me, because I’d like to date you.”

“There it is.”

In this movie, Andrew (Ryan Reynolds) plays the assistant to his uptight and cold editor boss, Margaret (Sandra Bullock). When she is about to be deported for failing to follow the rules of her Visa application (she’s from Canada), she ropes Andrew into marrying her to allow her to keep her job. They spend a weekend together, and needless to say, their feelings about each other change.

I love this movie because it stars amazing actors like Ryan Reynolds (who is extremely attractive, I might add), Sandra Bullock (also quite beautiful), and Betty White. It is extremely hilarious and wonderfully done. Sandra’s character also has my dream job: editor of a publication. If this one doesn’t hook you on chick flicks, I don’t know what will.

2. Hot Pursuit

“Just fall on me like a sack of potatoes.”

“You see, once a month my uterus sheds its lining…”

Hot Pursuit follows Officer Rose Cooper (Reese Witherspoon) as she struggles to follow in her father’s footsteps after an unfortunate mistake. Her first big break is a huge responsibility; she is in charge of ensuring the safety of Daniella Riva (Sofia Vergara), a witness set to testify against a notorious crime lord, Vicente Cortez. They run into some problems and have to figure out who they can trust.

This one never fails to make me laugh. It also has the bloopers at the end which automatically makes any movie better in my opinion. I love the jokes and the storyline and the twists.

3. How to Lose a Guy in Ten Days

“I love you Benny, but I don’t have to like you right now.”

“Drama, drama, drama.”

Wow, what a classic. Andie Anderson (Kate Hudson) is the resident How-to Girl at Composure magazine. When an opportunity arises for her to step out of her column and write about more important things, she takes it. Benjamin Barry (Matthew McConaughey) has an opportunity of his own at his advertising job. She needs to scare away a guy, and he needs to make a woman fall in love with him; what could go wrong?

I love this one for so many reasons, but I will only name a few. I want to be a journalist, and Andie is a journalist. Benjamin is hot and charming, and I like to watch attractive and romantic characters in movies. Lastly, the movie is hilarious, and I love to be able to quote funny lines, a talent that is not at all necessary but extremely rewarding (at least to me).  

4. Bruce Almighty

“It’s a B-E-A-utiful day!”

“Smite me, oh mighty smiter!”

I just shared this one with one of my closest friends who had been deprived of the wonderfulness that is Bruce Almighty. Bruce Nolan (Jim Carrey) has hit a difficult patch in his life. When he is passed up for a great promotion at work, it is just the icing on the cake. He is convinced that God is out to get him. God (Morgan Freeman) meets with him and gives Bruce his godly powers. Believing he knows what is best, Bruce uses his powers to give himself everything he feels should be his. If you didn’t already guess it, things start getting a little bit crazy.

Before I tell you why I love this movie, just look at the fabulous cast: Jim Carrey, Morgan Freeman, Steve Carell, and Jennifer Aniston. Okay now first, I love it when people try to explain God. I think it is great, and it honestly helps me feel closer to God. This movie also makes me feel like I can understand God better. Additionally, there are many laugh-out-loud moments that, in my opinion, have the ability to make anyone’s day. It is great, trust me.

5. A Little Bit of Heaven

“Not really, this is just the way you wanted to see me.”

“You won a free day of hang gliding where you’ll learn to fly!”

Marley Corbett (Kate Hudson (do you see a trend?)) is a hard-working woman who doesn’t believe in love. When a routine colonoscopy informs her that she has cancer, Marley meets God (Whoopi Goldberg) who grants her three wishes. God decides the final wish for her. Through this news, many changes occur in her life, including finding love with Dr. Julian Goldstein (Gael García Bernal).

I have dished a little bit on my blog about my struggles with vulnerability and letting my emotions out. Let me tell you something; this movie helps me get out my emotions. Surely when you saw that it was about cancer you figured it was a tearjerker. If not, newsflash: it’s a tearjerker. It never fails to make me cry. It also tries to explain a little bit about God, and I love it.

6. Another Cinderella Story

“Check out my totally invisible finger!”

“Buh buh baby got bacne.”

Okay, this was my childhood. Mary Santiago (Selena Gomez) was left as an orphan when her mother, a backup dancer for Dominique Platt (Jane Lynch), passed away. Dominique took her in as a live-in maid. Dominique and her two daughters are intent on making Mary’s life miserable and keeping her from following her dream of becoming a dancer. When Mary meets popstar Joey Parker (Drew Seeley) at a masked dance, she thinks her dream might actually be attainable. Full of mean girls and the classic plot of Cinderella, this movie takes you through the emotional roller coaster that is adolescence.

When I say this was my childhood, I mean it. I have been a huge fan of Selena for forever, so of course I love this movie. I also am a huge fan of stories that modernize fairy tales. The music in it is great, and Jane Lynch’s character is perfectly evil.

7. Made of Honor

“Could someone who is not a misogynist pass the Splenda?”

“We have many gay and lesbian members of the congregation.”

In this beauty of a movie, Tom (Patrick Dempsey) and Hannah (Michelle Monaghan) meet in an unfortunate way in college. This meeting sparked a lasting friendship. Now in their adulthood, Tom and Hannah see each other every day until Hannah gets an opportunity to travel to Scotland. Tom is a major player and doesn’t realize that he wants to be with Hannah and quit sleeping around until Hannah comes back from Scotland with a fiancé. Hannah names Tom her maid of honor, and he obliges with one goal in mind: to steal the bride.

Wow, where do I begin? For starters, one of the main characters shares a name with me, so that is a major plus. I also love a good play on words. This movie really is fabulous because of its cast too. It is great when your favorite actors from an amazing tv show (Grey’s Anatomy) work together on a movie too. Kevin McKidd plays Hannah’s Scottish fiancé, and of course I already mentioned Patrick Dempsey. Busy Phillips is so funny as well, and she plays a jealous bridesmaid. Except, she is not jealous of the bride; she’s jealous of the maid of honor.

8. Red (1 and 2)

“This is just like Love’s Savage Secret.”

“He made the run to emotional safety.”

Red and Red 2 are about a retired CIA agent named Frank Moses (Bruce Willis) who keeps getting pulled back into the business. Red stands for Retired Extremely Dangerous. The first movie follows Frank’s quest to defeat the people terrorizing him and his love interest, Sarah Ross (Mary-Louise Parker). Frank gets his old crew back together for some much-needed help (Helen Mirren, Morgan Freeman, John Malkovich). The second movie follows Frank and Sarah’s now quiet life as their safety is threatened again. This time they must uncover sensitive information that will allow them to save society.

Okay, first I think the cast speaks for itself. Second, I am a sucker for a good action movie, especially one that stars Bruce Willis as a beast of a man. I love the stunts. I love the plot. I love the characters. I love the humor. I love this movie.

9. Miss Congeniality

“Hey! I’m gliding here!”

“April 25th because it’s not too hot, not too cold. All you need is a light jacket.”

Gracie Hart (Sandra Bullock), an FBI agent, makes a big error while on the job. Desperate to make things right and help catch the Citizen, a notorious criminal, Gracie agrees to go undercover at the site of the Citizen’s impending attack: The Miss United States Pageant. Now as Gracie Lou Freebush from New Jersey, Gracie gets a makeover, learns the ropes, and starts forming relationships to find the killer. As time is running out, Gracie must discover the perpetrators and keep the contestants, her newfound friends, safe.

This is another trend as you can see; this movie is about another government agency. I love the action and humor in this movie. Sandra Bullock is an outstanding actress, and you may also have noticed that she is already on this list too. I just love the production of this movie, the strong female lead, and the love aspect of this movie that makes it a chick flick. Please don’t let that turn you away from this movie because it is seriously so great.

10. Game Night

“Oh no, he died!”

“How can that be profitable for Frito-Lay?”

Okay, last one. Game Night follows a group of friends who have game nights together (wow, shocker!). Max (Jason Bateman) and Annie (Rachel McAdams) are having trouble conceiving a child. When their doctor tells them it could be psychological, Max and Annie resolve that it stems from Max’s rivalry with his brother Brooks (Kyle Chandler) and set out to beat him at the upcoming game night he is hosting. This game night is unlike any other with a fake-kidnapping turned real kidnapping and a jealous neighbor. They must determine what is real and what is fake and stay alive during this crazy night.

This movie is hilarious, well-done, and just amazing. I saw it twice in theaters. Then I bought it and watched it again. It is a really funny movie with so many twists and turns. I love the concept behind it, and the cast is great. It is a feel-good comedy with lots of action and suspense thrown in. That is the recipe for a perfect movie in my opinion.

PSA:

If you have not seen one or more of the movies on this list, I urge you to watch them. Please do it for me. If you do it for me, you will in turn be doing it for yourself because you will find that these will be your new favorites too. If you don’t like them, at least you broadened your horizons and did something nice for someone else. I would really appreciate it. Now, “Be the miracle.” Brownie points to whoever can tell which movie that is from.