Faking It Made

Chimes. Chimes. I hear chimes. They are coming from my phone. Why? Please just make them stop. Seriously, I don’t want to hear it. I just want to sleep. Please. I roll over and grab my phone. I look at the screen. It is 6:30 am. I haven’t had to wrestle with waking up this early in so long. I know that I need to wake up and get a move on. Today is an exciting day. It is my last first day of high school. I know; I can’t believe it either.

After getting woken up from my magical slumber, I start in on my morning routine. I start reading my chapter of a self-help book. I am now onto my third: How to Win Friends and Influence People. It is truly great so far, and today is only my second chapter. I kind of have to rush the rest of my morning. I read my affirmation. It is really my goal of where I want to be in life that I read every morning. I will share it with you some other time. I then do a quick Jesus Calling devotion and rush to get dressed and brush my teeth. I throw on some SPF face lotion and head to pack the lunch I made the night before.

Next comes the awkward first day pictures. I do the classic poses for my mom that have wowed her year after year. I even do the back-to-back pose with my invisible brother because he is gone at college. Then I leave my house with plenty of time to make it to school. On a good day it takes 15 minutes to get to school. On a not-so-great day, like today, it takes 25 minutes. I park right at 7:46 and start my hurried walk into school. I have to make it across the building to my first class by 7:50, all the while dodging the students heading to classes of their own. I speed walk like I really mean it and make it into the class shortly before the bell rings. I am pleased and victorious as I look for a familiar face. Sadly, there are only a couple and none of them close friends, so I take a seat by a girl who looks very friendly. I know that today will be the day that tests the confidence that has been growing all summer. Man am I pleased with the results.

Throughout the day, from class to class, I talk to people. I talk to those I know and those I don’t. My smile radiates to those around me, and I start new conversations. Even when I am asked to speak in front of the class, I do not shake and cower. That type of request would usually send me spiraling into a nervous frenzy, but not today. I speak loud and clear. My voice does not shake. I am overjoyed.

When all of my classes are done and I approach the doors that take me to my car, I feel happy and relieved. I am kind of sad that I don’t know a lot of kids in two of my classes, but I am happy that I was able to talk to new people. I made friends, which is hard to do if you know everybody in a class. My confidence building this summer did not let me down. Yes I was nervous, but it was in no way the nervousness I would have felt even a month ago. I feel comfortable in my own skin and my own abilities. I know that I am strong, confident, humble, happy, and kind. This is kind of a mantra I say to myself from time to time, and I am happy to say that I feel like I am all of those things.

Coming off of this last first day of school, I am proud of myself. I am proud that the work I did on myself this summer is paying off. I am proud that I feel comfortable and ready to meet new people. I am proud that my smile is genuine and my heart is open. I am excited with what I have accomplished. I am excited for the rest of the year. You may be reading this and thinking that I am bragging and being annoying. I am sorry if it comes across that way because I am genuinely just pleased with myself. I am amazed at how far I’ve come, and I am purely just expressing my gratitude and excitement. I am also sharing that it is possible to come out of your shell. It is possible to feel confident and changed. For just over a month, I have worked on myself and formed new habits. I cannot wait to keep reinforcing those good habits and keep forming into an incredible individual. Here is to another school year. Cheers!

Ever since I was a child, I was attractive. You may think that I am being cocky and rude by saying this, but it is true. Bugs have always been attracted to me. Yes, you read that correctly. Bugs drink my blood and bite me and harass me every time I go outside. It really is not easy being this irresistible. This may have taken a turn you weren’t expecting, but can we please take a moment to talk about bug bites? Anytime I go outside, I hear buzzing around my ears. I feel the brush of a mosquito’s wings touch my leg. I notice the red bumps starting to swell up on my legs and arms and face and body. I try to remain calm and not kick myself for forgetting to/ deciding I didn’t need to put on bug spray. I always regret it.

My family members and friends can be in the same exact area as me for the same exact amount of time, and I will come home with a dozen bug bites while their skin remains unbitten. It is quite unfair. I don’t know what it is that draws them to me. I never asked for this to happen. If I could escape the itchy red bumps and restless nights trying not to scratch the itchy red bumps, believe me, I would. I even got stung or bitten (I’m honestly not sure what happened) in a metro car in Washington D.C. I was literally underground and something stung my face. It swelled and turned red. It actually really hurt when it happened. Hopefully that gives you some insight into my relationship with bugs.

Bug spray cannot fully shield me from the wrath that bugs try to inflict on me. I spray it on, and I still come home covered. I have told people that go outdoors with me that they should get me one of those electric fly swatter racquet things that I can carry around (*hint hint *wink wink). That way I can get some exercise swinging it around and kill the very beings that tamper with my positive outlook on life. I am not usually a violent person. Even if I say that I want to do something violent, I am all talk and no show. This, however, is different. I want to kill all of those little bugs that come after me unprovoked. I did not do a single thing to them, and I will not stand for their harassment. I try to be a peaceful individual, even to the bugs sometimes, but I’ve just been burned too many times.

You might be wondering, “What prompted her to write this blog post all about bug bites?” Or maybe no one even got this far, but for the one person that is still reading, I will tell you. I am laying in my bed trying to resist the unrelenting urge to itch at least one of my 11 bug bites I have at the moment. The burning desire to give them a good itch can sometimes consume my thoughts and make me feel crazy. I literally couldn’t get the thought of my terrible bites out of my head long enough to think of another blog topic. That is how bad it is. You may be wondering how I got all of these bites. I probably was in a wooded forest knocking on a mosquito’s nest (do they have nests?) and calling them out to get a good meal. I probably stood there in the woods without bug spray for hours just waiting for them to take the bait. If you thought this, you would be wrong.

I got these bites from… babysitting. BABYSITTING. Can you believe it? I was outside for maybe an hour with these kids in a residential neighborhood. This was four days ago, might I add. I also spent most of the time on the driveway instead of the grass. What did I get from that caution? Eleven terrible bumps on my body that make me want to scratch until my skin is raw. I don’t do that, but that is the worst part. I don’t want to give in because I don’t want my skin to be raw. I don’t want to give myself scars that remind me of those fateful bites. The resisting is the torture.

After so many attacks that I have lost count, I have accumulated quite a haul of anti-itch creams and products. There are some that are literal lifesavers, so I figured I would share them today. Maybe there is someone else out there who feels like an outcast because they come home covered in bites while their brother, mother and father sit beside them, unscathed. They are a sacrifice to the flying creatures, and this job has no rewards. Well, they no longer have to endure the pain (please read this with an infomercial voice) (man, I am really using the parentheses today). First, the best antidote for a bad bite is Benadryl. If you are covered, you can take the pill and use the anti-itch cream on the bites. I swear by the cream. It could just be a placebo, but I do really think it works. Another great product for bug bites is lavender. It will help take away the inflammation. Lastly, try Benadryl itch cooling spray. It relieves inflammation, swelling and makes you feel like you can stand to live until morning (you read that like an infomercial, didn’t you?).

I wish I could tell you a great bug spray to use, but, like I said, I have not found a way to keep those little maniacs away from me. There is a bug bracelet that my dad gave me that I think is somewhat helpful. It is called Bug Band. I think it is worth a try. There is also a bug spray that is somewhat reliable, and it is called Skeeter Beater. Both of these products are deet free because deet is bad for you (don’t ask me any details or why because I just know what my mom told me). The band is quite potent, but if it protects you from bugs, I would say the smell is okay.

Sadly, I have no cure that will instantly remove the nasty, eye-catching growths, but I can tell you that you almost get used to it. I say almost because you can never get used to the powerful desire to rip your skin off, but you can get used to the cycle. You go outside. You get bitten. You return inside. You feel so itchy that you want to die. You resist the itch. You pile on the creams and hopeful antidotes. You gradually forget about the bites. You realize that they disappeared. You go back outside. The cycle continues. The saddest part about all of this is that I could go on forever talking about bug bites. Instead, I will leave you because I need to go reapply Benadryl cream to one of my bites. Let me know what your secret is to staying free of bites if none of this related to you. Also, I wasn’t kidding when I mentioned the electric fly swatter racquet thing (*hint hint *wink wink).

What happens when you go for the handshake and they go for the hug? What happens when you turn a friendly thumbs up into an unwelcome fist bump? How do you respond when you say hi to someone who looks away and doesn’t hear you say hi? Do you turn and run? Do you lower yourself into a pit of embarrassment? Do you laugh yourself off the face of the earth? No! You love yourself! You tell yourself you are good, and it’s all good.

All of the above scenarios have happened to me. No, not only in the distant past, but also this week. It’s pretty great. I am an extremely awkward person. I have no shortage of embarrassing encounters. Do I let them run my life? No. Instead, I tell myself that I love myself and that it’s fine. It’s fiiiinnnne. It’s FINE. I’m great and fine. Yes, I do make myself cringe, but don’t we all? I try really hard not to let these cringe-worthy moments run my life.

When I feel the air in the room turn uncomfortable and realize the error of ways, I don’t cower down; I stand up. I give a light laugh, a brilliant smile, and sometimes a slight shrug of the shoulders. I realize that it is just who I am. I was born this way. I won’t change anything by beating myself up. Besides, sometime someone is going to find me totally endearing, awkwardness and all. When that day comes, I will be eternally grateful that I didn’t compromise myself to look cooler. Besides, I look pretty darn cool to myself a lot of the time. Doesn’t that count for something?

I make really amazing jokes, like Chandler from Friends level stuff. Other people may look at me with blank stares or look the other way and not acknowledge my poor attempt at comedy, but I make myself laugh. I get a kick out of myself. To me, that is a great way to live. Also, I’m being myself, so people have to at least admire the authenticity, right?

I’m writing this to say that it happens to all of us. Take it from someone whose face, at the first sign of embarrassment, used to turn bright red like a cherry tomato. I could feel that my face was hot; I knew it was red, yet people still felt the need to tell me my face was red. That only added to the red until it got deeper and darker. I have gotten a lot better since then. I have grown up a little and owned my red face. Yes, it still gets red sometimes, but I try my best to ignore it and keep living my life. I have always been jealous of people who did not have to worry about having their embarrassment etched on their faces for all to see. That, however, is not a great way to live and will in no way stop my face from getting red.

I have accepted the fact that I am awkward and that my cheeks betray me. I have accepted the fact that I embarrass myself on the regular. I know that I am being myself and that I have a brilliant smile that makes up for my uncomfy moments. I know that I am confident in my dorky self. This is the mentality that keeps me positive and happy. Ten out of ten I would most definitely recommend.

Last weekend I hopped in the passenger side of my best friend’s mom’s ride, and we embarked on a trip to the big city. It was a weekend with no parents, and we got crazy. I am actually exaggerating most of what I just told you. Yes, we did take Sarah’s mom’s car, but the “big city” we went to was Kansas City. It’s still a city, but it is in no way in the league of big cities like Chicago and NYC. Also, yes there were no parents, but we did not get crazy in the traditional sense of the word. Here, I will just give you the full story.

On Saturday morning, my friend Sarah and I drove the few hours to KC. We headed straight for the plaza to do some shopping. I got some great deals. I bought jeans from Express (the best place ever to buy jeans) for $30 (they were originally $88). Pretty amazing, right? Later, at good old H&M, I found a cute basic t-shirt for $10 and a really cute black button-up skirt for $25. I spent a little bit more than I usually would for a skirt from that store, but I loved it and I knew I would get use out of it. Needless to say, I was very pleased with my purchases. It was also raining the whole time we were walking around, so that was fun. Once we were shopped out, we headed to our hotel at Crown Center.

We valeted the car all by ourselves and checked into our hotel all by ourselves. We felt like such adults. It was pretty great. After exploring our hotel room, we got ready for a delectable dinner at the Cheesecake Factory. There is a parking garage attached to the restaurant. Usually it is pretty full and you have to totally luck out if you want a spot. Well, we lucked out. I am pretty sure we got the last spot in the whole garage. We headed into the restaurant to put our names in. We did that ALL BY OURSELVES I might add. We had about a 30 minute wait and then were seated. When we sat down, our napkins were folded pretty poorly. Sarah and I work at a restaurant, and we fold our napkins in a very nice looking way. I’m not even going to try to explain how we do it or what they look like, but just know that they look very nice. Seeing the poor folding job in front of us, Sarah and I decided to fold our napkins the way we fold them at work. We waited to see if our server would notice. He did and was very impressed. He wanted us to teach him how, so that he could start doing that at the restaurant. We happily taught him, hoping that we had revolutionized Cheesecake Factory forever and would get a discount on our meal. The discount never happened, but I’m still waiting on the whole revolutionizing thing.

An exciting thing I discovered at Cheesecake Factory that fateful day was that they have a skinnylicious menu. I have mentioned that I have been trying to eat healthier, and that did not change while I was on vacation. I was super excited. Everything on this special menu was less than 595 calories. That is amazing for a restaurant, and it was going to make me feel so much better about eating a large piece of cheesecake (my diet didn’t stretch as far as me not getting dessert at Cheesecake Factory of all places). I ordered spicy chicken tacos with a vegetable salad. It was quite amazing. Then it was time for dessert. I ordered the Godiva chocolate cheesecake. It was SO GOOD. I was unbelievably happy with the tastes that had entered my mouth. Then a crappy thing happened. I took a drink of water and Sarah made me laugh. This was a bad combination because water came out of my nose and burned my throat. Suddenly all of the happy tastes were gone and my throat was just burning. Of course that was the time that our server decided to show up with the check. I was holding my napkin up to my nose trying not to look like an idiot. I don’t think it worked. A little bit later, I took another drink. I bet you can guess what happened next; Sarah made me laugh. More water poured from my nose and the napkin was repositioned in front of my face. Once again, the server took this opportunity to bring back our check. It was great. I still enjoyed my time and it was quite funny, but it would have been nice if I didn’t end the night with a burning throat from water pouring out of my nose in a crowded restaurant.

The next day, Sarah and I went to St. Joseph (an hour north of KC) to see her college. We hung out there all day, and I won’t bore you with the details because there is really not a whole lot to do in St. Joe. I think the people who live there agree with me. One thing I will say is that we went to a Red Racks Thrift Store, and I found the deal of my life. I am doing a project in my room that I need empty white VHS cases for. I will tell you all about it at a later date. Anyways, I had looked online for the cases and they are ridiculously expensive. It’s honestly really annoying. I knew I wanted to see if a thrift store would have what I needed. Man did they have what I needed. I bought eight VHS tapes in white cases for only $4.64. I don’t think I will ever shop at a regular store again. That was the bargain of the century, and I will forever be grateful.

We ate dinner at the food court in the mall attached to the hotel we stayed at. You might be thinking, Wow, a food court will not have any healthy food. She really must not be serious about this whole healthy eating thing. If that was you, you would be wrong. We ate at a restaurant called Unforked. Their name is a play on the fact that they don’t have harmful additives and other stuff in their food. I ordered a burger that was only 500 calories (again, that is really good for a restaurant). It was a mushroom burger with brussel sprouts. You might think that sounds disgusting, but it was honestly delicious. It only came with the burger, so I was still hungry. I decided to order some dessert, but no this was not “bad” dessert. I got a raspberry drink that was made with raspberries, non-fat yogurt, and ice. Let me know if I’m wrong, but that is a pretty healthy alternative to pretty much any other dessert I could have gotten. I went to bed that night with a happy tummy.

On Monday morning, we got up and got ready to leave. We checked out and headed to brunch. I chose this cute breakfast place called Eggtc. It was so cute. I was in an adventurous mood and was wanting to reward myself a little for eating well. Maybe that isn’t the best logic, but I’m not mad about it. I ordered a crepe that had salmon and eggs in it. It was topped with hollandaise sauce, capers, and tomatoes. For my side, I got fresh fruit. I know that the crepe wasn’t the healthiest thing, but it also wasn’t the worst thing for me. I did scrape off some of the sauce and capers. I don’t really like hollandaise sauce nor is it good for me, so I don’t really know why I ordered it. I guess I was just in the mood for it, and I did enjoy my food. It wasn’t my favorite, but I did it to myself. We left the restaurant and headed for Kauffman Memorial Gardens. We found this place online, and I’m really glad that we went. It was beautiful. Sarah and I took pictures there and hung out for a little bit.

After that, we jumped back in the car and went shopping for one last thing: shoes. I looked up shoe stores, and we went to a couple that were on our way out of town. These stores ended up being for comfortable shoes, aka ugly shoes. We walked in and out. It was a quick trip. We grabbed some coffee for the ride home. I got an iced almond milk latte, which is something new that I have been trying, but I actually really like it. I got home that night very tired and happy that I had adulted for a whole weekend.

I’m not sure how many people will actually take the time to read this whole thing, but I am writing it because it was a fun trip. I doubt many people really care to read about a trip I go on, but I took away fun memories and experiences I want to share. I also want to remember them. I love to get deals when I shop. I love to eat yummy food that is relatively good for me. I love to hang out with Sarah, my best friend. I love to pretend to be an adult and be proud of my responsibility. It is a lot of fun. This goes back to the little victories in life. It is so much fun to have a positive outlook on every experience you go into. I’m not always positive and I do complain (mostly for dramatics but still). I like to find the funny parts of life and celebrate my successes. It is a fabulous way to live. I hope everyone finds what makes them happy, whether it is finding great thrift store deals or eating all of the hollandaise sauce their heart desires.

Today is the day I tell you about a friend of mine named Mocha. He is really cute, tiny, and an all-around good little creature. Okay, okay I will tell you. Mocha is my chihuahua. He is so incredibly adorable. I will try to stop writing about how cute he is but just know that it will be hard.

When I was little, I wanted a dog of my own so badly. I would walk my stuffed animal around with a leash and pretend he was real live dog. I told my mom I wanted a dog so bad and that I would buy him and take care of him. Well, I actually wanted a girl, but in life you don’t always get what you want. Anyways, I started searching online for puppies. You probably know this, but puppies are ridiculously more expensive than adult dogs. When I first started my search, I was looking for a bulldog or corgi puppy (my favorite breeds) for an affordable cost. That means I would be able to work something out based on my 10-year-old allowance and any extra money from birthdays, chores, Christmas, etc. Needless to say, the puppies I found online that were those breeds were WAY too expensive. Although after buying the dog I bought, it really would not have been that much more.

The second phase of my search took place at Petland. I know; Petland is not known for their great treatment of animals. When I was 10 I didn’t really understand that, but at least I got my puppy out of a bad situation even if that did mean giving money to the enemy. I went there with an idea of what I could spend based on my allowance and monthly payments I could make to my mom to pay off the dog. I wanted a small dog that would behave and be loving and sweet. Basically the dream dog. We looked at one dog that was really cute but a little too wound up for me.

Next I saw him, this tiny, black and brown chihuahua that was so incredibly and wonderfully cute. I didn’t expect myself to go for a chihuahua, but he freaking stole my heart. Colleen, the lady who was helping us with our search, told us that he was $700. That is a lot, I know. I really loved him, and my mom and I were trying to see if I could make it work. I called my dad to get his opinion. I ended the call in tears because my dad didn’t approve. He told me that he didn’t want me to become a stuck-up girl with a lap dog and be in debt. That really tore me up, but I knew that puppy was the one. I had already given him the name Mocha, and it was perfect. My mom’s card was approved for the purchase, and I took that as a sign. A family had tried to buy him the day before and their card was declined. That was another sign. Basically the fates aligned and now I have my adorable, beautiful puppy. The price did increase though because Petland makes you buy all of this puppy care stuff, so that may not have been a sign. It doesn’t matter though because I still got my puppy.

Mocha is now seven years old. I am proud to say that I paid him off in six months. I take care of his medical bills and his food and water. The water really breaks the budget, but we make it work. Actually, my mom has pitched in with his food a lot and the water comes with the house, so I am not completely a financially independent mother. Mocha is a little bit obsessed with me, but that is just how all dogs are. Sometimes he gets annoying and clingy, but I love him all the same.

I am telling this story because I wanted something so bad when I was 10 years old that I just did it. I followed a “dream,” if you will. Because of a decision I made at such a young age, I have learned more about responsibility, love, and happiness than I ever would have without taking a chance. I am so thankful for my puppy and proud of my 10-year-old self. I look back and want to approach all of my life like I did back then. I want to take risks and be responsible. I want to defy the odds. Every kid says that they will take care of the new family pet, but then the mom always ends up doing it all. I stuck to my word. Yes, my mom has helped out some because that is in her nature, but Mocha is my dog. This story may show you something in your life that you need to just go for. You need to approach your situation as a 10-year-old with a dream. If you try that, what you are able to accomplish might surprise you.