A Poem a Day: a Series – Day 6

Day 6: “WWE”


Growing up

I never liked fighting

Or blood


In anything

TV

Movies

Definitely not in real life


It was scary


But now

My partner wanted me to watch wrestling

He said it’s less bloody


I actually find it funny

Sometimes gross


But my favorite part

Is seeing my boyfriend’s reactions

Passion

For wrestling


While it may not be my thing

I like gaining new perspectives

And seeing the childlike excitement on my partner’s face


Tonight, for example,

When John Cena became a heel, working for The Rock

He was shocked, taken aback

And I was just thinking how excited I was for him to be this excited

And how I first new The Rock from The Game Plan

A Poem a Day: a Series – Day 4

You may have noticed I missed a day. Yesterday was busy, and I ended up forgetting. But, that’s the beauty of doing this series—each day is a chance to reset and write. So that’s what I’m doing. Here’s to day 4, a day late.


Day 4 – “Public Transit”


Hustle

Bustle


Not owning a car

Means endless possibilities


It means carpool

Uber, Lyft, Empower


It means bus

Another bus

Metro

Another metro


And waiting,

Lots and lots of waiting


As I write this,

I’m waiting for my train


There’s beauty in transit

Even in the waiting


But sometimes,

Sometimes,

All I want is a free ride home

A Poem a Day: a Series – Day 3

Day 3: “Happy Hour”


Socializing

Can be fun

Can be awkward

Can be funny

Can be so awkward you don’t know what to do with yourself


What do you do

When

the convo takes a turn


do you physically turn away

and walk out

and say goodbye, that’s enough


Or do you smile, laugh

change the subject

and make a mental note to dissect the moment with your partner later


I often opt for the latter

and take another sip of my drink

A Poem a Day: a Series – Day 2

Day 2: “Medical Rant”


Pain and sadness

Anxious thoughts


What do you do when going to the doctor makes you hurt more?


Every time I go to the doctor

Someone dies

Or I feel violated


My blood pressure is always high

White coat syndrome it’s called


It’s a whole ordeal to go to the doctor’s

Got to make sure I have the right insurance

Got to wait in line

Got to tap my foot

Got to pee in a cup

Got to explain

“My blood pressure is always high at the doctor—just warning you”

With a smile and a laugh

When really I’m dying inside

Okay, breathe


It’s just the doctor


And you can have a sweet treat after for going


Does that make it worth it?


I can see why my grandma never liked going to the doctor


How do I get past it?


How do I lower my blood pressure?


I probably need to go to the doctor to get it checked out

A Poem a Day: a Series – Day 1 (Again)

Four years ago I started a series of daily poems to help me get comfortable writing on a consistent basis. I wrote what the title suggests—a poem a day—to create constantly and release my feelings and emotions. I did it for a month, and I remember really enjoying the creative outlet.

I have perfectionist traits that can prevent me from writing because I feel like everything I put to the page needs to be the best thing I’ve ever written. Instead of helping me write, that keeps me from ever recording a single thought.

I want to get back to that no judgment approach to writing and let my thoughts fly. This marks the return of the Poem a Day Series and hopefully marks a return to the joy of writing for me.


Day 1: “Life”


Life is beautiful

and gross

and funny


One minute you’re looking up at the trees


A heaven-like state

One with Nature


The next you’re wiping bird shit out of your eye

There I am again

There I am again—in the old greenhouse, where the smell of rose and lavender used to overwhelm me, calm me, make me sane. It’s the smell of my grandmother—the place we used to spend our time. She would teach me how to water the flowers—“Not too much or you’ll drown them.” She would cut the stems and pile them up on the white table that matched the white paneling of the greenhouse walls. The humid air created the perfect atmosphere for my flower arranging lessons. 

I would pick up a rose, perfectly pink with a bright green stem, its thorns evenly spaced and far apart, inviting me to hold it and contemplate my next move. Then I would grab a lavender flower, putting the blossoms together in my hand first. I would add some greenery and keep building. Finally when my hands were full and the flowers reflected the way I was feeling that day—as my grandma always said bouquets should do—I would fit them to a vase, one of the many lined up high on the shelf in the back corner of the greenhouse next to the big, industrial sink.

Once my flowers were on display, I would call my grandma over from her position watering or weeding or planting new bulbs. Then she would come over, keeping her eyes on the ground, using her hand to shield them from seeing the arrangement prematurely. When her feet were nearly to the white table, she would lift her head, taking the flowers in all at once. 

“I think you’re feeling love and excitement,” she said one day. I shook my head no. 

“Elation and affection?” she tried again.

“Those are just synonyms,” I laughed. 

We would continue the trend until she finally landed on the correct answer. That day’s blend was contentment and joy, which was exactly how I felt any time I got to spend time with her. 

Other days we would sit with a cup of tea, looking out the many windows of the greenhouse as the rain poured outside. She would tell me jokes that would have me laughing until my cheeks hurt and my throat ached. Sometimes her jokes were a bit raunchy, and she would look at me sheepishly and tell me not to repeat them. I wouldn’t attempt it anyway—I couldn’t tell them like she could. 

Now as I sit at that white table, I picture what my bouquet would express today—sadness and pain. I don’t even think that type of arrangement deserves flowers, maybe just the stems full of thorns peeking out of the vase as if to say, “Fuck off.” 

Tears fall and a deep ache opens up inside me. I look around the empty greenhouse, the flowers wilted and dying. It’s like they know she’s gone, too. I allow my petals to fall off in the old greenhouse like the roses and lavender blooms before me. Inside the greenhouse walls, I no longer need to feign the ability to continue living, to keep going, because “that’s what she would have wanted.” Instead, I tell the critics in my head that I am fucking sad, and I allow myself to cry. I allow myself to dwell on the pain. I allow my chest to heave, my nose to run, my eyes to overflow with salty tears. I allow my legs to give way beneath me, and I lay in a ball on the dirt floor of the greenhouse. 

I close my eyes and remember the days in there with her. I remember her sweatshirts embroidered with different flowers. I bring my chin to my chest and smell her smell on the purple sweatshirt I grabbed from her closet as we went through her things. Roses, lavender, lilies, peonies—they all have a place on the worn fabric. It was her favorite one to wear, and now it is mine—I am an extension of her. 

I hear the door to the greenhouse open behind me, but I do not look up. I feel my mother’s arms pull me close and pet my hair. I feel her tears fall on the top of my head. We stay like this as the soil dries up around us and the flowers droop. 

Franklin Square Park

A little girl, maybe three feet tall, sits in the stroller that her father pushes, poised to jump out, eyeing the little playground at the newly renovated Franklin Square Park. 

Her white dress has a blue and green flowery pattern, its long sleeves hiked up to her elbows. Her grey leggings complement the dress and keep her legs warm on this breezy October afternoon. Her black, curly hair is short, her ears exposed. Her dainty sandals have a strap that goes around her heel, keeping them in place while she explores the play area. 

The new Franklin Square Park playground has a wide metal slide, which seems to be the little girl’s favorite part. Her dad sits across from the slide, phone poised, smiling. Once she’s sure he’s watching, she slides down, yelling, “Whee!”

A few moments later, she comes galloping back up, ready to give the slide another go. This time she starts to slide, changes her mind, turns onto her stomach and grabs the top to keep from going down. She gives up and makes the slide down, slowly, with her arms outstretched, her back to her dad.

Elsewhere in the park squirrels dart in and out of the grass, looking for nuts. A white dog is on a leash, his owner appears to be ready for a business meeting in a blue button-down and navy slacks. He looks at the dog, impatient.

The dog does not give his owner a second look. Instead he focuses his eyes on the squirrel standing in the grass. They have a brief staring contest. The dog slowly takes steps towards the fluffy creature, careful not to alert it. 

When the dog sees the squirrel begin to catch on, he lunges, chasing the squirrel through the grass. The squirrel disappears up a tree, leaving the dog confused. The confusion lasts only for a moment, and then the dog gets distracted by another furry friend. 

People sit at the gray metal tables and chairs in the center of the park. Some chat over coffee, others lunch. Their conversations are lost in the sounds of the city that serve as the backdrop for the urban greenspace. Trucks rush by, and distant beeps ring out as a vehicle reverses.

The only word to make it through the blanket of city sounds is the occasional “whee” from the little girl, still sliding down the metal decline, the giddiness of the quick ride never getting old.

The slight autumn breeze brings a chill. The mosquitoes circle the exposed skin of my legs as I sit on the brown wooden slats of the bench. All across the park, benches just like mine seat a different pair of legs, some two pairs. 

An older woman walks by slowly, pushing a gray stroller with no one in it. A toddler, approximately two feet tall, walks behind the woman, perhaps her grandmother.

Her pink t-shirt tucked into her gray sweatpants matches her pink sneakers. Her black hair is short, and her hand is outstretched, pointing at the woman in red talking on the phone at the bench to my left.

When she sees me, I wave, piquing her interest. She starts my way, her companion walking behind her. I say, “Hi.” 

The girl’s caretaker says, “Maya, go say hi to this woman.” 

The toddler comes meandering my way, already distracted by something behind me. It turns out she and the white dog have a shared interest–squirrels. She looks at the squirrels clinging to the big tree to my right. The woman says hi to me on her way by and begins pointing out the squirrels to her small companion. 

Six park workers wear red shirts, black pants, and red-and-black hats. They have name tags and the words “Franklin Park Ambassador” written on their uniforms. Across the park, they push bright red trash cans and pick up litter. They talk to park-goers, seeming genuinely interested in their conversations.

There are many diverse faces in the park–all ages, races, genders. A group of three people, two men and a woman, walk by speaking Spanish before sitting with their coffees at a table near the empty fountain. 

At a table to their left, three people sit to eat lunch pulled from a large brown bag. Behind them, caution tape is strewn haphazardly around a tree. At the long brown bench across from the caution-taped tree there is more caution tape and a silver chain-link fence. A green construction machine sits empty.

I hear the clink, clink, clink of a man doing work on that center area. On the edge of the park, behind the play area, two guys adorned in yellow vests do other work. The soon-to-be restaurant also contains workers in yellow, showing that the renovations are not quite done.

As I get up to leave, I decide to walk the long way out, behind the playground and on a looping path to the center of the park. The little girl stands at the top of the slide again, ready to ride it down to the bottom. 

Her dad stands by a wooden playground structure, his short-sleeve navy shirt showing off a tattoo on his right bicep. His white pants and white sneakers complement the white of his daughter’s dress. 

“Daddy, I don’t think this was a good idea,” she says, preparing to go down the slide on her stomach, head first. She’s smiling, and she slowly pushes herself off the edge and down the slide.

I walk to exit the park at the corner of 14th and I, hearing “whee!” over the drum of the city.