Day 107: “Feel What You Need”
The body knows
Feels
Remembers
It’s good to be gentle with yourself
Let it out
Stay in
Dream
Feel
Let yourself feel
Breathe
And let love in
Release
Day 107: “Feel What You Need”
The body knows
Feels
Remembers
It’s good to be gentle with yourself
Let it out
Stay in
Dream
Feel
Let yourself feel
Breathe
And let love in
Release
Love is something that can happen anywhere
Anytime
Like death
You never know when it might come for you
For me
It happened gradually
But the day it hit me
It was sudden
Knowing
Glowing
“I love him”
We were in my twin-sized bed in my junior year dorm
And he was talking about a nightmare he had the night before
A boar was chasing him
And he was going on and on
And then he got off on a tangent about a guy who he used to be friends with but wasn’t anymore
And as he talked and talked and talked
It dawned on me,
“I love this man”
It wasn’t a, “I think I love him”
It was a full-blown, all-knowing love
My heart swelled and soared
“I love him”
Day 105: “Jackpot”
Falling in love is a lot like winning the lottery
Well I’ve never actually won the lottery
And I’ve only fallen in love once
But I can imagine they feel similar
They both change your lives
Make you a different person
Hopefully for the better
Day 103: “Cheap Rings”
When we were at my grandparents house
going through their things
I found their 25-year wedding anniversary book
It was frilly and white
With a padded heart on the front
White ruffles
And lace
Plastic pearls
A product of the late 1970s
What caught my eye
were these two rings
They might be made of metal
Whatever it is is lightweight, thin
They were together on the aforementioned string of pearls
We had to get rid of things
But I couldn’t stop thinking about those rings
Before the book, in all its vintage bridal glory, was thrown out
I cut the string and grabbed the rings
For a while I wore one on each ring finger
They’re really pretty
Silver
With floral markings “engraved”
And “HONG KONG” written on the inside of the bands
The signature of only the most expensive jewelry
But they don’t turn my fingers green
I lost one of them
It fell behind the fridge at my old apartment
I was really upset
Felt like I lost my grandparents for a second time
But I keep the other close
Wear it often
Mostly on my left ring finger
To summon the love of my grandma
Day 90: “If My Life Was Written and Directed by Nora Ephron”
Sometimes I imagine what it’d be like
To live in a 90s rom com
I’d live in New York
Obviously
I’d own a book store
Or be a writer
Or be a writer who owns a book store
And I’d meet the love of my life online
My computer chiming, “You’ve got mail”
I’d wear clothes that are comfy, effortless, stylish
My name would be an alliteration
I’d battle the big bad chain store
Only to be put out of business and have to start my life over
Have to chase other dreams
And the love I met online would end up doing the tiny, little thing — you know, putting me out of business
Yet he’d regain my trust
Become my friend
And then we’d meet
And kiss in Riverside Park
And I’d publish a children’s book
Well, my life is not written and directed by Nora Ephron
But I’ve found my love
We did meet online
Just via an app instead of a chat room
I already model my fashion after Meg Ryan in the 90s
Now I just have to chase my dreams
Become a bookshop owner
Or a writer
Or a writer who owns a book shop
Publish a book
And live happily ever after
Day 89: “Cappa Jo”
When I lay my head
on my pillow
where my cat is waiting
purring
I sink into her calmness
and in that moment
everything is okay
As I lay
listening to her purrs
my headache goes away
my neck relaxes
my eyes close
my hands trace her soft fur
I feel okay
I feel whole
I feel loved
I feel like everything is going to be okay
Day 88: “This Time of Year”
This time of year
feels like a warm hug
a cup of hot cocoa, when the marshmallow sticks to your lip
sitting on the vent with a blanket, filling it up with warm air
finding the perfect gift
when your face just starts getting numb after walking in the cold, making it harder to form words
staying up all night praying for a snow day
string lights cozifying your place
your cat trying to eat the artificial tree
candles, lots and lots of candles
bundling up just to still have your toes feel cold
nostalgia, so much nostalgia it hurts
music that makes you feel young, loved, comfortable
warmth emanating from everywhere
It just feels like magic
Day 87: “For Good”
Loss
teaches us
shapes us
makes us
inspires us
breaks us
molds us
reminds us
kills us
builds us
changes us
We just have to find the good
The legacy
The love
To rebuild
remember
regrow
replenish
Restart
Day 86: “Empty Cup”
So much excitement
So much love
and celebration
and love
and excitement
and celebration
I’m grateful
but I’m exhausted
Day 71: “Reminders”
A back scratch
The mountains
A white purse
Porch swings
Fruit
Dominoes
Shirley Temple
Peanut M&Ms
Expired goods
Jokes
Eggshells
Ginger ale
Shih tzus
Motor homes
Cacti
White sandals
All things that remind me of my grandma