Day 163: “Fear is a Synonym of Grief”
Grief is a lot of things
But a big one is fear
Fear of absence of physical presence
Fear of being left all alone
Fear of the unknown
Of having to be resilient
Of being pushed to resilience
Fear of missing someone
Every day
So badly
It hurts to your core
Fear of being in pain
Fear of the despair this pain brings
Fear of not being able to crawl out
Of the dark hole
Of loneliness
Sadness
Deep, deep despair
Of loss
It can really be debilitating if you let it
Day 159: “Something New”
I put myself out there today
I tried something new
I spoke into my camera
And I recorded audio too
I jumped
I laughed
I recited
I chaffed
I did it scared
I did it nervous
Hell, I did it nonetheless
Day 142: “Each Poem”
Each poem I write
Is a love letter to myself
It’s permission to explore
To dive deep
To be unapologetic
To be myself
It’s a chance to try something new
Write something new
To go back in time
To look to the future
All while being completely in the present
To escape into this moment
To know myself
To get to know myself
To have fun
Be fearless
Put myself out there
Be okay with putting myself out there
To be silly
Carefree
To learn to relax
Not take myself so seriously
Poetry is a magic wand
A powerful tool
I wonder who I’ll be when this is done
Day 101: “Smiling on the Street”
I’m a lot nicer
When I’m visiting places for work
I smile more
Say hi to everyone
Want to make everyone feel welcome
Even when I leave the building
I’m smiling on the street
Warm and welcoming
It honestly feels good
I feel connection
Why am I not like that regularly?
Fear that a smile might invite something unwanted
Not wanting a rude reaction
Not getting paid to do so
And honestly, it can be a bit exhausting, interacting with everyone I cross paths with
Trying to smile and make others feel comfortable
Sometimes I just want to look forward, avoid eye contact
It’s less energy, safer
But maybe there’s space for both
Faking It Made 