Day 9: “When You’re Uninspired”
I’m feeling uninspired right now
I don’t know what to write
Maybe I should rest
Maybe it’s time for bed
Perhaps tomorrow will be better
Day 9: “When You’re Uninspired”
I’m feeling uninspired right now
I don’t know what to write
Maybe I should rest
Maybe it’s time for bed
Perhaps tomorrow will be better
Day 8: “The Compounding Nature of Grief”
Why is it that grief builds
The first time you lose someone you love it’s crushing
Devastating
Earth-shattering
The second time, it’s all of that
Plus unbelievable sadness,
Pain
At two lives lost
When the third time happens, it’s building off of all of it
It’s pain on top of pain on top of pain
And it’s not like you have ignored your grief
You’ve felt it
But somehow there’s always more
The fourth time, it’s guilt
It’s wishing you could have been closer
Feeling for others more than yourself
And feeling for the grief from before
The fifth time, it’s soul-crushing
It’s the deepest pain
It’s almost unbearable
It’s horrific
It’s pain from before,
Pain for others
For your family
Pain for the future
Pain for the pain that brought about this pain
It hurts
Day 7: “The Curse of Cleaning”
A clean house
Means
Scrubbing
Spraying
Soaps
Suds
Wiping
Drying
It ends with admiring your work
The sparkling tub,
Mirrors,
Floor
The curse of cleaning is noticing every
Spill
Spot
Stain
That comes right after you finish
It’s a constant state of cleaning
When is it okay to take a break?
Day 6: “WWE”
Growing up
I never liked fighting
Or blood
In anything
TV
Movies
Definitely not in real life
It was scary
But now
My partner wanted me to watch wrestling
He said it’s less bloody
I actually find it funny
Sometimes gross
But my favorite part
Is seeing my boyfriend’s reactions
Passion
For wrestling
While it may not be my thing
I like gaining new perspectives
And seeing the childlike excitement on my partner’s face
Tonight, for example,
When John Cena became a heel, working for The Rock
He was shocked, taken aback
And I was just thinking how excited I was for him to be this excited
And how I first new The Rock from The Game Plan
Day 5: “9-5”
The busy workday makes me want to lay down
And
Do
Nothing
You may have noticed I missed a day. Yesterday was busy, and I ended up forgetting. But, that’s the beauty of doing this series—each day is a chance to reset and write. So that’s what I’m doing. Here’s to day 4, a day late.
Day 4 – “Public Transit”
Hustle
Bustle
Not owning a car
Means endless possibilities
It means carpool
Uber, Lyft, Empower
It means bus
Another bus
Metro
Another metro
And waiting,
Lots and lots of waiting
As I write this,
I’m waiting for my train
There’s beauty in transit
Even in the waiting
But sometimes,
Sometimes,
All I want is a free ride home
Day 3: “Happy Hour”
Socializing
Can be fun
Can be awkward
Can be funny
Can be so awkward you don’t know what to do with yourself
What do you do
When
the convo takes a turn
do you physically turn away
and walk out
and say goodbye, that’s enough
Or do you smile, laugh
change the subject
and make a mental note to dissect the moment with your partner later
I often opt for the latter
and take another sip of my drink
Day 2: “Medical Rant”
Pain and sadness
Anxious thoughts
What do you do when going to the doctor makes you hurt more?
Every time I go to the doctor
Someone dies
Or I feel violated
My blood pressure is always high
White coat syndrome it’s called
It’s a whole ordeal to go to the doctor’s
Got to make sure I have the right insurance
Got to wait in line
Got to tap my foot
Got to pee in a cup
Got to explain
“My blood pressure is always high at the doctor—just warning you”
With a smile and a laugh
When really I’m dying inside
Okay, breathe
It’s just the doctor
And you can have a sweet treat after for going
Does that make it worth it?
I can see why my grandma never liked going to the doctor
How do I get past it?
How do I lower my blood pressure?
I probably need to go to the doctor to get it checked out
There’s too many to count
too much to say
Would anyone want to hear it anyway?
I feel frustrated
Angry
Sad
And Scared
I feel like the wind has been knocked out of my lungs
And it’s just day one