Day 153: “Inspirational Incantation”
There’s no impossible
When you’re dreaming
Day 153: “Inspirational Incantation”
There’s no impossible
When you’re dreaming
Day 152: “Travel Ritual”
Why is it
That every time I go out of town
I fall apart before
I have to get everything done
And somehow I left everything for the last minute
As I’m writing this
I need to do the dishes
Put my clothes away
And pack
But I think I’ll just watch Secret Lives of Mormon Wives with my boyfriend
I can sleep on the bus
Day 151: “Out of Practice”
I haven’t jumped in several days
I hope I still remember how
Day 150: “I Don’t Know”
I don’t know how to be right now
Don’t know what to do
Where to look
What to say
I don’t know where I am right now
What I’m doing
Who I am
I don’t know
I should drink water
I’m getting a headache
Let me turn out the light and try to go some sleep
Day 149: “Box”
We had to go back today
To the vet
To pick up our girl
I’m glad she’s home
But it’s strange to have her life
Reduced to a box of ashes
I kiss the box
Imagining I’m kissing her
Willing her to feel it
To know I love her
To know I miss her
Day 148: “Hole”
There’s a hole in our apartment
Not a physical crater
Depression
But a space where she was
It’s empty
Flat
Sad
Quiet
Way too quiet
Everywhere I look
I want her to be there
My pillow has never felt so cold
I’ve never felt so cold
Day 147: “Acceptance”
I can accept that she had to go
But I can’t accept that she’s gone
There’s a difference
Day 145: “Gone”
The day I’ve been dreading finally came
We had to say goodbye
Have to go on living
Without her
I don’t know how to do this
How to breathe
How to exist
Without her
Fifteen years
She was with me for my first period
Through high school
My senior year of college
My first apartment
My first relationship
She kept me company
Always
My heart is broken
I found her when I was nine
I brought her home
Fell in love with her
I think she fell in love with me too
Where do we go from here?
How do I function?
How do I live?
I’ll try not to drown
In my ocean of tears
As I listen to the recording of her purrs on my phone
Day 144: “Not My Day”
I don’t feel good today
I don’t feel great
I don’t feel like doing anything
I don’t feel like staying awake
I think I’ll close my eyes
Try to sleep it off
And hope for better tomorrow